While it's been a wonderful FIVE years, the day I became a mom was a little less than...
Here's the shortened version of my trip down memory lane. Forty-one weeks + one day felt like the longest pregnancy ever. Our first baby (whose gender we didn’t know until birth) was "overdue" and good God, I was miserable. I was so sad he wasn’t born on his due date, the 22nd, since my birthday and my sister’s also fall on the 22nd of June and December. Sawyer’s pregnancy was tough. I had symptoms I didn’t even know were possible, like carpal tunnel. I gained over 50 lbs by the end, and the pelvic pain made me cry every time I had to get up in those last few weeks (curse those middle-of-the-night bathroom breaks). His birth was no easier.
This might sound weird, but I never visualized or pictured myself giving birth and laying on the bed and pushing. Nope! All I could visualize was him being there, and subconsciously, I wonder if I somehow knew his birth would lead to a C-section. I remember going to the hospital to be induced (would NEVER recommend, by the way). It was six or seven weeks after the world had shut down from COVID. My husband was the only one who could be there, which was more than fine, but it definitely stunk being the first on both sides to bring a baby into this world and the new grandparents couldn’t be there. Though they would’ve waited a long time anyway, considering it took over 30 hours after the induction, water being broken, no progress, me seeing discoloration when going to the bathroom (the nurse said it was normal, though we later realized that wasn't the case and Sawyer had pooped).
This led to me being incredibly sick the next day with an infection. A fever roaring through my body, uncontrollable shakes, and quite honestly, a very worried husband. When the infection was finally under control and Sawyer’s heart rate returned to normal, I was given the option to continue with a vaginal birth (uhm, not sure why?) or opt for the C-section. I was exhausted and couldn’t picture putting my baby through any more uncertainty. Explaining the full details would take way too long, but this was truly my worst nightmare unfolding.
I opted for the C-section, and I swear this is when the most painful part happened. They had a hard time placing the spinal block to numb me. Multiple attempts from CRNAs and the anesthesiologist left several holes in my back, a black bruise the size of a baseball, and later a crippling spinal headache. Oh, and let’s not forget the nerves they hit (multiple times) that felt like lightning bolts shooting down my legs. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed so loud in my life. Truthfully, I was about to call it quits and have them put me completely under. But once everything was done and our baby was born, my husband got to look over the curtain and tell me it was a little boy. I’ll never forget the laugh in his voice. We all thought (except Grandpa) that I was having a girl.
Then came another twist: and while I don’t fully recall the medical reasoning, Sawyer was taken to the NICU and treated for pneumonia for a week. I was battling spinal headaches and could barely sit up without throwing up. To top it off, they sent me home after a few days—no baby, no family visiting—just us, trying to navigate this. I eventually had to go back to the ER for a blood patch to fix the spinal headache. Ladies, never leave the hospital if you have a spinal headache. Do not let them gaslight you into thinking it’s unlikely just because it’s "uncommon".
The best thing was that Sawyer came home just before my first Mother’s Day. I had felt so sad and unsure of when I’d finally have my baby at home. It felt like the doctors weren't telling us anything or giving us updates when we asked. As hard as it is to say, I didn’t feel a bond with him at first. I now realize all the trauma I went through was just my brain trying to protect me (the PPD didn't help either), but it was heartbreaking. That changed quickly, and the obsession was and still is very real.
After five years of being a mom, I’ve learned so much about myself. I’m raising three of the sweetest boys with a husband who works incredibly hard for us and is an equal partner in all of this. I share my story so others don’t feel alone. Birth is rarely perfect, and every story is different. I wouldn’t change any of it for the world. To this day, Sawyer was the best surprise of our lives. So a HUGE happy birthday to my boy, and to this wonderful journey we’ve been on! I am the luckiest mom to be raising him.
My final note: advocate for yourself, always.
My experience during birth and postpartum was so eye-opening. I started to question everything and I mean everything. And while I’m not trying to make this story about that, I truly believe it could have helped my outcome. I absolutely should’ve pushed the nurse on the discoloration, I knew in my gut something was off. I should’ve known the statistics around what an induction could do to my “birth plan.” And I should’ve never left the hospital with a spinal headache. Honestly, shame on the doctor who didn’t order the blood patch right away.
And advocate for your kids. I won't even get into that story...
